Chapter 1.4 – Revelations of the Past

Connor sat at his laptop still puzzled by Carolyn’s behavior.  He didn’t know what it was about the beach that bothered Carolyn so, but he was determined to find out.  He googled for hours trying to find something, but nothing came up.  After hours of research he still didn’t have any answers, but he was determined to get some – one way or another.

Google wasn’t bringing up much about Carolyn.  She’d apparently lived a pretty quiet life.  He did stumble upon information about her cousin, Linda.  Wedding announcement – but no picture, which he thought was odd; baby announcements, that sort of thing.  But there wasn’t much there, either.  Going back he read everything through carefully.  According to the wedding announcement, Linda had gotten married at the beach.  Could that have something to do with it??  No – that couldn’t be it.  Why would a wedding upset Carolyn so much?  But that was the only connection he could come up with.  He did note that Linda had mysteriously just vanished, though – so maybe there was an answer there – if he could just figure out what it was.

His curiosity burned even brighter.  He was going to get to the bottom of this.

For her part, Carolyn was oblivious to Connor’s snooping.  She thought she had fobbed him off with her paltry excuse of not liking the beach.  But then, Carolyn wasn’t much of what you would call a deep thinker.  She was deep in her misery, though. What if he finds out?  What if everyone finds out?  Then what?  She tried to tell herself it wouldn’t matter… but, in her heart she knew it wasn’t true.  Look what happened with Linda. She wasn’t sure she could go through this again.

Life, however, wasn’t concerned with Carolyn’s worries, or Connor’s dogged determination to find out about Carolyn’s past.  It had it’s own concerns.

Yes, Carolyn was expecting.  She spent her time reading up on pregnancy issues and working in her garden.  She deliberately refused to think about anything that might keep her upset, convinced that stress was bad for the baby.  She wanted everything to be perfect for this child.  Everything.  She didn’t worry about not having a home or a lot of money; she didn’t worry that her and Connor weren’t married.  All that mattered to her was that her child be born whole and healthy, knowing it was loved.

Connor, in the meantime, still wasn’t any closer to answers.  He didn’t know why this was bothering him so much, other than the fact that Carolyn was keeping a secret from him.  She had asked him to move in and he had agreed.  He’d rather marry her, but the few times he’d brought up the subject in the past, she hadn’t seemed to keen on the idea.  Actually, she hadn’t seemed anything… there’s was simply no response, which Connor took to mean there was no interest.

He’d even brought up this beautiful diamond engagement ring his boss was wearing, hoping to get something from her. 

Nothing.  She just kept playing that stupid video game.  No change of expression, no response.  It was as if he’d been discussing the weather.  It had made him a little angry at the time, but he figured it was early days; maybe she just didn’t want to go too fast.  He could understand that, so he let the matter drop.  What REALLY made him angry was just how good Carolyn was on the damn video game!

Girls aren’t supposed to be this good at video games! Carolyn apparently didn’t know much about appeasing male vanity, as she wiped the virtual floor with him.

But back to the topic at hand.

Now that Carolyn was expecting their child, Connor felt even more betrayed that Carolyn wouldn’t tell him what had bothered her so much at the beach.  Anyone else would have forgotten about it – but not Connor.  The journalist in him couldn’t let it go.  What hope did a relationship have if there were secrets?  He decided he would simply confront her.

He might have picked a better location.

Carolyn was furious.  “What do you mean you’ve been snooping around, trying to dig up dirt on me?  What the hell is wrong with you?  Is this what you do with everyone you know?  Try to dredge up the past, make them miserable?  You like upsetting people?”

“Carolyn, be reasonable.  You were obviously upset but you won’t tell me what it is.  What am I supposed to do?  Just leave it go?”

“Yes!” she cried.  “What’s wrong with that?  Why do I have to tell you?  Why do you have to know?  You can’t live with the idea that a person lived before they knew you?  You can’t accept that I’m my own person – that I’m allowed to decide whether to tell someone something about myself?”

“Of course I can accept that, but thi-”

“Apparently you can’t.  Because if you could, you would have talked with me about it, or given me the space to decide whether to tell you or not.  I asked you to move in, Connor – I DIDN’T say you would become my owner and master.  If I don’t want to tell you, I damn well won’t and if you don’t like that then don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.” 

Connor wasn’t sure which door she was referring to.  He figured she wasn’t thinking about the fact that they didn’t have a proper house right now – at least he didn’t think she was referring to the bathroom door.  Wait a minute…. was she telling him to move out?  He ran after her.

“Carolyn, wait.”  What was it with this woman?  Always trying to run away…  “Carolyn, stop.  I’m sorry.  No, don’t say anything, just listen.  I’m sorry I was digging into your personal history.  I was just worried about you.  You were obviously upset and you wouldn’t tell me what it was… I was just trying to help.  Please don’t be angry.”

“Connor…”  Carolyn sighed.  She understood – really she did.  But that didn’t make her feel any less violated.  “Connor, you’re a reporter.  I get that.  I don’t understand why – you should be writing books – but that’s not the issue right now.  Right now the issue is that you violated my trust and you took it upon yourself to be the sole judge of how things are going to work around here.  You can’t do that.  You can’t just… decide things and do things and expect me to go along and be happy about it.”

Connor looked away. When you put it THAT way… 

Connor sighed.  He still didn’t think being worried about her was wrong, but his mother had always warned him about women and their secrets so he figured the only thing to do was lose the argument gracefully.  “Ok, Carolyn.  If you don’t want to tell me, then don’t.  I’ll leave it alone.  I don’t want to lose you over this.  Your past is your past and won’t make a difference about how I feel about you.”

“Don’t derail the argument, Connor.  This has nothing to do with my past, and everything to do with you doing whatever it is you want to do regardless of how I feel about it.  That’s no way for a relationship to work.”

“So are you breaking up with me?  Do you want me to pack my stuff and leave?”

Actually she did.  But she was expecting a child now.  Did she really want her child to grow up without a father?  Did she really want to deprive Connor of being that father?  Did she want to be a single mother?  Part of her said yes, to hell with it.  But the rational part stopped her.  “No.  No, I don’t want you to move out.  But you’re going to have to promise me, Connor, that you won’t just run around making decisions and doing things without talking with me.  You may be the man of the house, but that’s a physical description only – you aren’t the supreme ruler.

Connor was so relieved and so happy that he wasn’t going to lose her, he built her a house.

Chartreuse?  Who builds a house and paints it chartreuse????  I said YELLOW.  Doesn’t even sound like chartreuse…

Go to Chapter 1.5